I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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