you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
