We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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