I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize