she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
