He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
