i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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