hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
