just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
