I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
