our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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