Life is so much better after having sex.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
