somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
