singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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