is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize