Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize