we have pet lesbian snakes
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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