you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
