All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
