Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
