Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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