I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
