swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
