Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
