Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
