also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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