she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
