At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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