This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
