Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
