We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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