Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
