you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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