and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
