sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
