Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
