What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
