My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
