its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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