some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
