You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
