Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
