Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
