I just pynch a tree in the face
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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