I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
