I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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