I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
