Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
