Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
