he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
