He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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