Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
