don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
