apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we made out on top of his cat.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
