shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
