I want to stick my p in your. b.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
