I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The air was thick with penises
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
