I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
