my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
