the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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