he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
