so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
