Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize