I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
