Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
