Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
