The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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