gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
