is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
