A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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